Oh my lands! I am so bad! I haven’t written in so long – I apologize really I do, but do you want to know why?
Why I haven’t sat down and focused on putting words on a screen. Words I have to think about and deal with? I am going to be transparent – my hubby so often likes to say – “we need to be transparent”, well I’m going to be transparent.
I haven’t written because I have been – SAD!
There I said it, I have been really, truly sad! I have been having a very hard time dealing with my emotions. It has been so much harder than I thought, well I take that back, I actually thought it would be hard; But man this stinks! What has caused my sadness?
Well, let me give you a recap of my last seven months – my oldest daughter married the love of her life in December and moved to TN to start their wonderful life together …11 hours from me. Don’t get me wrong it was the right and best thing for her. My heart just hurts from the change.
My darling middle daughter has made a right and best decision to go away to college come this January…5 hours from me. Again the right and best thing for her.
My youngest has been gone this summer for 6 weeks serving as a counselor at a camp; home for 4 short days; gone another 10 days to Peru on a missions trip. She gets back and senior year is here!
What in the world are you people doing to your mamma? “Growin’ up is hard too -oo do” … for me not them!
All good things, but oh so hard for me – my identity feels funny. It’s weird figuring out how to communicate with a wedded daughter – I mean sitting there feeling awkward when we see each other after a week before bawling my eyes out because I haven’t seen her in what seems like forever…So many emotions (it is getting better – her & I, just in case you were wondering).
I am shopping like crazy for my soon to be college student. I don’t want to miss the sales or miss something she might need – all the while losing it in the towel aisle at Kohl’s. Making plans to make this the best Senior year ever for my youngest – planning treats and trips while sinking into a blubbering mess wondering where the time has gone.
What does this next stage look like God? Recently my “job” has been brought up in a few different conversations; we joke that I work 40 plus hours – I just do it for free I have been called to serve – of this I am certain. This is what I cling to when I wonder what is next … I know God made me to help and serve and love others. He will lead me to the next and the next – right?! I will always serve my girls just in a different way than I do now.
I am serving my husband right now by trying out a dream of his/ours. We are on a two-week work/camping trip in our RV. I’ve always told people -”Oh, it’ll be great, he can work from anywhere!” He can work – that never really hit me until about two weeks before this two-week trip – he works … and I do …. what??? Ugh, never really thought about it that way. Well, guess who had plenty of time to think and write
I’m finding my way… I know many others have similar things or much harder things they are dealing with, and I don’t want to make this out to be a bigger than it is. It is just my reality right now, my sadness, and I pray that maybe I can encourage someone else who is going through similar things – maybe we can help each other find our way. More to come soon! I promise